Hope you’ve all had a good week… I can’t believe how quickly it went! For me this week has been full of emotion, some very low points, and a fair bit of hand-wringing. I haven’t been feeling well…I’ve been definitely-not-right for a year and a half, but especially sick for the past 5 months with fevers almost every day, painful lymph nodes in every corner of my body, and running at only 25% (or sometimes 5%) of my usual energy — plus so much other stuff too. Sometimes I’m so incredibly sick I can hardly open my eyes, and ‘whatever it is’ has slowly been progressing, affecting new parts of my body in creative & alarming ways. Watching my previously excellent health pretty much fall apart has been (and is) a scary, unsettling experience. And even after lots of tests done on (so far) 26 vials of blood, it’s still a mystery because it’s unclear whether there are two separate things going on, or if it’s all part of the same issue.
My head has been over and under and around ‘this thing’ so many times…churning on it, studying it, considering what to do about it, weighing western approach against eastern approach…and ultimately feeling paralyzed and unable to see how best to address it. We each have our values, don’t we… the values we create during times of wellness & happiness. I value alternative medicine…and prefer & feel most comfortable in that arena. Though, I pick and choose carefully in that area…having observed that there are indeed diamonds out there, but there’s also a lot of rubbish.
But desperate times call for desperate measures, and I’ve had to compromise my preference for natural-only. Or…is it a compromise? Maybe it’s just a value adjustment, based upon the new information I’m gathering as I’m navigating this new territory — because I’ve never been this sick before. And I find myself glad to have the technology of western medicine to (hopefully) find out what’s up (or at least rule out what’s not up) — and at the same time, repeatedly hoping that I’m doing the right thing by following this particular route at this particular time.
It’s a complex situation. And I’ve finally decided that in this case, what I feel best with is a combination of western & eastern. Western, because I feel like that’s what’s called for in this extenuating circumstance. And eastern as a supplement — to support my body in the best way I can while it’s trying its hardest under these less-than-ideal conditions. (Excellent nutrition is a big part of this!)
And so today I had a full-body CT scan — from mid-head to pelvis. It’s the next step in trying to suss out what’s causing all this. I’ve been having trouble settling it in my mind…knowing it’s a lot of radiation on my sensitive body. But also knowing full well that it’s a risk-benefit thing — and the benefit outweighs the risk right now. Part of the CT experience was drinking 32 ounces of barium, as well as receiving two separate doses of contrast dye through an IV during the scan. And a week prior, I had an MRI with gadolinium contrast through an IV. Gadolinium is on the Periodic Table… and is not something I want in my body for any longer than necessary!
Readi-Cat, drinkable barium. Cute name & I actually liked the taste! But it made me nauseous.
The assortment of heavy metals and dyes also make me feel quite ill for the rest of the day after receiving them, so the best thing I can do for my body is help it get that stuff flushed right out. So today, I came home and started chugging water with fresh lemon juice…and 8 hours later now I’m finally starting to feel less yucky. I also juiced a ton of cilantro (and have been eating heaps of cilantro lately anyway) along with parsley and garden celery, since it’s been found that fresh cilantro binds really well to heavy metals in your body and carries them safely out. I’ve also been drinking my beet kvass tonight, since that’s a great blood purifier…in addition to eating my everyday fare of lots of fresh, organic fruits & veggies, which is pretty much all my body wants & can tolerate right now. (Oh and some chocolate too, ya know…for medicinal purposes only, of course!)
Cilantro, parsley, & celery juice
And for the radiation, I’m thankful to have my kit of Australian Bush Flower Essences because I mixed up the Electro essence blend right when I got home. Interestingly, this blend was used in a clinical trial of bodily radiation levels in children affected by the Chernobyl nuclear disaster. Radiation levels were measured before and after 2 weeks in a control group, plus a group that received spirulina, and in a group that received the Electro flower essence blend. After 2 weeks, the radiation level in the control group decreased 3.5% and the spirulina group decreased 25.3%, while the radiation level in the Electro group decreased 43%!
Anyway, I guess it’s all a big learning experience (like everything else!), resulting in a constant stream of adjustments being made to our inner selves along the way…forcing us to re-evaluate ourselves and our values and the things we previously thought we had “all figured out.” And ultimately we gain compassion and perspective and first-hand experience, along with plenty of opportunities to practice surrender and acceptance. And we find out, again, that things are never really black-and-white once you’ve actually experienced them and put your previously-perceived values to the test.
This is an intense one…and I have to wonder what the ultimate purpose of it will be. My fear is that I’ll feel like this forevermore. I probably won’t, but at least I hope there’s a higher purpose to it all!
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Can you take bone broths? Is very healing to the stomach and intestines. Easily digested but be sure to use grass fed bones. I am sorry you feel bad. Try something different that will not wear on the body like broths. Also eat lots of coconut oil and swish with it in your mouth for at least ten minutes many times a day if you can. Spit out the oil do not swallow after swishing.
Hi Melinda,
Thanks for two healing foods suggestions — I certainly do make bone broth around here, but my tummy doesn’t always tolerate it. Depends on the day! 🙂 And coconut oil is often too rich, but I eat little bits at a time when I can!!! Interesting about swishing it around — what does that do?
I am so sorry you are ill and I really do wish you well again. You sound like you are doing the best you can with the situation.
Hoping you find a solution and this illness passes soon.
Stay strong lovely lady.
*love to you*
I’m so sad that you’re feeling this way Lindsey.
Have you tried any mind healing techniques?
I know it might sound naive to some, but sometimes all we have to do is to change our focus, eg from illness to health, and then miracles happen!
I’m a big fan of Gregg Braden, I consider him the most influential person of our time; he has certainly changed my life deeply.
You could start by watching his You Tube video “The Science of Miracles”.
If you do not feel like buying and reading his books I would be happy to send you recordings of several of his audio books (I rely a lot on audio books lately as I’m a busy mom of two toddlers!).
You’re in my thoughts and prayers.
Trish, thank you so much — I appreciate your comment! Much love to you!!
Evi,
I’d forgotten about Gregg Braden — and thanks for the recommended intro youtube video — I will definitely look that up. And I’ll look up his audio books from the library in hopes that they have them! If not, I will let you know! 🙂 Thanks for your comment, and much love to you too…
Lindsey
Can’t imagine what it takes to keep your creative, spirit-filled writing up on a regular basis while your body is feeling so; you are one strong lady. You are in my thoughts and prayers while you figure this thing out. If love could heal, you would be well with all the love sent your way. Holding you in the Light…..
You sound a lot like I was in 1991. After two years finally I was diagnosed with Lupus. This is a difficult illness to track down. If it isn’t that it sure sounds like an immune issue. If it is, be careful not to over stimulate you system. You might actually be causing more problems by attempting to boost it, as I have learned over time. I have been mainly in remission for years, so hang in there. Rest, low stress and working though any negative issues will help you feel better. Good luck!
Kate –
Thank you so much for your loving comment… that warms my heart so much and I can feel the love across the miles!!!! 🙂
Nora –
So interesting. They were thinking autoimmune, yes — actually I might send you an email… and thank you for your tips! Thanks for chiming in & leaving a comment — so appreciated!
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Love,
Lindsey
I love your honesty Lindsey!
It’s so true how everything we think we are so fixed about can be challenged.
You are so brave! I admire you!
Hi There-
I just stumbled upon your blog today and love your writing style and focus. I fee like we are definitely in the same tribe. 🙂 Look forward to continuing to read and learn with you.
I was moved to comment on this post because I also have had a year of mysterious ill-health (although not nearly so bad as yours it sounds.) I am just now starting to heal a little bit and it has been a spiritually DENSE process. I think coming off of pharmaceuticals (like BCP), accupuncture and the GAPS diet have all played a major role. I wanted to suggest (if you haven’t already heard about it) the GAPS diet. I also wanted to suggest a short book called The Sound of a Wild Snail Eating by Elizabeth Tova Bailey. It is about a woman with a chronic illness and reading it really encouraged me. It is about how things seem to SLOW down so much when your energy is low. She makes friends with a wild snail. It helped me feel better about my situation.
Anyway, I hope your healing journey teaches you many lessons and may the blessings of the elders be upon you as you seek to discern your best path.
What a lovely comment, Sarah — and nice to know you! Thanks for commenting, and for your recommendation of the Wild Snail book. I’ll look that one up; and I’ve heard of GAPS but have yet to read the book! I’m so sorry you’re experiencing an extended bout of ill-health, too… it’s quite an ‘experience’ isn’t it…and yes, very spiritually dense — what a great way to put it. Very much so.
Thank you for your well wishes, and many well wishes right back at ya, as you, too, discern your own best path.
Blessings to you,
Lindsey