My cubicle at work, where I spent the past 5 years.
If you’ve been around here for a while, you might remember a Philosophy Friday post I wrote back in October: All That Glitters Is Not Gold.
For quite a while now, I’ve been aching deeply for a quieter, more soulful existence; putting my energy into things that feed my soul rather than into my non-fulfilling I.T. job. Yes…the whole ‘life is too short’ thing. There are certain parts of the job that I like — technical writing & documentation, software support, and some system administrator duties — but on the whole it’s not what really feeds my heart. For well over a year I’ve been feeling very torn and unclear about whether to stay or quit. When you’re torn and unclear is not the time to make a major decision.
So I waited.
And in early January of this year, things became clear. I finally felt a calm, deep knowing that it was time to let go of my job and move forward with my life in a way that’s completely aligned with my heart.
This was a good, secure job and although I knew it was definitely time to quit, it still took a surprising amount of courage. I spent 5 years there (7 if you count contract work), though it feels more like forever. I have roots there, I guess. For a good long time I kept talking myself into staying because of the steady paycheck and medical insurance. But it turns out that the energy balance was grossly uneven; I was giving a lot more than I was getting. The price I paid for that paycheck and insurance was quite literally my health and happiness. Yikes.
And so I quit.
Yesterday was my last day and it was actually harder than I anticipated. A heavy day. I realized I was more attached to some of my coworkers than I thought. All those “Good bye, I’ll miss yous” sure tugged at my heartstrings. Cleaning out my cubicle was also harder than I thought. It just felt surreal. I put so much of my energy into that job that it felt weird to suddenly be erasing all traces of myself. When someone from a neighboring department heard I was leaving, she exclaimed “What will they do without you??! You’re their backbone!” That was the nicest compliment and made me feel good.
But after a good night’s sleep last night, I’m feeling much more in my groove today and thinking about all the things I won’t have to do anymore now that I’m not there. Hallelujah! It was most certainly the right decision. I’m so excited!
I’ll still do some contract work from home for the I.T. department now and then, but I’ll most certainly be de-stressing and doing lighthearted things! Then I’ll be getting my own things going — ways to make a livable income without working the rat race. We’ll see what transpires! I think it’ll be a great new adventure. Cheers to that!
Big congrats to you for following your intuition and waiting until it all came clear before you took action. I love this story and it’s a good example of taking action in the world according to your inner guidance. It takes courage and self awareness. And you’re doing it!! So exciting!
Thank you so much Sasha for your kind, supportive words!
It feels good to finally have taken action. That reminds me of that Eagles song…”so often it happens that we spend our life in chains…and we never even know we have the key.”
Dear Lindsey, You are endowed with great courage and much self-confidence to take this big step. Your generation seems less steeped in security and getting ahead and more wanting a balanced life. I admire that. I know you have big ideas for your life and this will free you up to follow your dreams. I wish you the best. Love, Kate
Thanks so much Kate. Quitting most certainly did take a whole lot of courage. I’m so glad I did it, though. As I wind down from my job, I am realizing how much stress I carried that was centered around it. I’m slowly learning to remember that the job is over and that I can just release the stress. Oye!