Month: July 2012 (Page 3 of 3)

Finally, the winds of change are arriving!

Literally, in fact — it’s been an unusually windy year. And finally, after feeling quite stuck for so long in situations that didn’t seem like they’d ever budge, they have.

First, our trip to Hawaii plopped itself into our laps — as things seem to do for me — very much out of the blue. Back at the beginning of the year I remember writing to my sister, half jokingly proclaiming that “After all this is done and I’m feeling better I need a flippin’ tropical vacation — like to Hawaii or somewhere benign where I can’t get sick again!” And holy cow, my poor hubby F needed a vacation even more badly than I did. And then a few months later, the chance offer to house-sit (in Hawaii, oh my!) arrived, perfectly timed, just as my big moneymaking project was wrapping up, I was really beginning to feel better, and coincidentally using up the exact number of vacation hours that F had saved up at his job.

We both knew we needed a vacation, but I don’t think we even realized how much we did until we got there. Both of our spirits had been running pretty darn ragged. I know at least for me, the utter enjoyment of our vacation — the nourishment my depleted spirit was receiving by being where I was, doing the things I was doing — made me do cartwheels and handstands and yelp for joy!

What a feeling of renewal. Of feeling so lighthearted again, so full of joy.

It drove home again, in a big way, that it’s excruciatingly important that you enjoy your life. Charles and Ray Eames, the famous American designers, said “Take your pleasure seriously.” There is such deep truth in that statement.

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And this incredible trip to Hawaiian Paradise wouldn’t have even been possible had I not felt up for it. As you may remember (or can read about here), I’ve been really very sick. So sick. 🙁 But after almost 8 months of heavy-duty antibiotics (I still have a month left of one of them), I am so much better! SO much better, it’s amazing. Still not quiiiite 100%… still maybe not completely out of the woods… it’s possible that may not come for some time… hopefully it will come eventually, and the damage done will fade away… but well enough to travel all the way to Hawaii for three weeks. Which is huuuuuge! Previously when I was so ill, I couldn’t have even done one single night away. So there’s that — that is a gigantic good thing! I feel like I get to start reclaiming my life. (It might, if it wanted to, happen a little faster, but somehow I’m thinking that’s one of the many lessons embedded in this big whopping health disaster learning moment.)

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And then — and this is so exciting! — we’re moving!!!! Not just moving, but moving into the urban oasis that is my folks’ house! (It’s also the house I occupied since the day I came home from the hospital.) It has my garden. It has a clothesline. It has an apple tree. It has my grandmother’s baby grand piano, so I’ll be able to play piano again any time I’d like. It has a beautiful front and back yard and luxurious porches — the private outdoor space my soul has been yearning so deeply for. It’s quiet!! So we won’t be hearing traffic noise every minute of every day. I also feel a lot safer in that neighborhood, so I can begin taking leisurely walks again without feeling uneasy. It’s closer to our favorite health food store, so we can start shopping there. It’s next door to Margaret, the wonderful neighbor who has been like a grandmother to me since we met over the fence that same day I came home from the hospital. It’s got some nice biking possibilities, which is particularly attractive to F. 🙂 And it’s 1400 square feet (3 bed/2 bath) — a big jump from the 650 sq ft (1 bed/1 bath) we have now. We really do go along perfectly well in 650… we really do… but I can’t deny that it’ll be a treat to have more space! There’s talk of a workout room… perhaps an art studio… we’ll see!

My parents are very ready for a change, ready to downsize and to not have a yard to care for, so they’ve gotten an apartment a few miles away. We’re all still not quite sure what our future plans look like, so we’re shifting around a bit in the mean time into something that suits us all better. It’s a temporary configuration, but one that’s so very right for where we all are at this moment in time.

I am so excited!! They’ll also be leaving behind some of their furniture that we can use if we want, so the place will feel less like a temporary college dorm setup and more like a real live home. Being a Taurus, making and keeping a home is a pleasure that sits deep within my bones. And my cat goes with the house, hehe, so we’ll have her there too!!

All of these good things!!!

I can’t sweep over the fact that life has felt very un-fun the past couple years. I’ve learned that when you’re that sick for that long, no matter how many people love and support you (I have many!), no matter how wonderful everything else might be, it’s ultimately a journey you must make alone. It’s your own journey and nobody else’s — no matter how dearly they desire to lighten your load out of love and concern for you. It’s also a very grave, lonely, and heavy journey. It’s hard. Immense. Inward. Dark. And incredibly depleting. Major, prolonged illness is not only depleting to your body, but also to your mind, heart, soul, spirit.

And as soon as you are able, you must do things to rebuild all those aspects of yourself, some of which may only be hanging on by a thread. I’ve mentioned it before, but when our spirits are strong, we heal better.

I’m not an apartment person. I can certainly make it work — and have — but there’s always the underlying “trapped animal” feeling. Some folks get along fine in apartments, and I’m not one of them. I prefer the earth beneath my feet, the privacy of my own yard or land, quietude, and no shared walls or floors with other families. And all that is coming… yahoooo! Good things are rollin’ in! Healing is taking place — first for my body, and now my spirit. Cheers to that~

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