Quiet winter moments

Happy Solstice, Happy Winter, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year!

I hope you’ve all been well. Did you have a nice holiday season?

It’s been a nice few weeks here. Working hard to get my handmade gifts ready, lots of nice Christmas music (Kohala Christmas is a favorite at our place), multiple trips to the local thrift shop to search out wool sweaters — both to wear and to felt for projects — and then after Christmas some nice down time. Getting ready for Christmas I pushed my body further than I ought to have (I was feeling so good!), and timing being what it is, I crashed on Christmas Eve. So most of Christmas Day was spent on my parents’ apartment floor by the tree, pressing my head to a package of frozen lunch meat to try to calm a horrendous headache. Around five I was feeling a little better, and we opened gifts in the twilight (instead of in the morning) next to the glowing tree — which ended being so enchanting that I think we’ve started a new tradition!

And now the New Year feels like a nice clean slate. Since I have survived (which was a question mark in my mind for some time), and am now healing from, the awful disease that is Brucellosis, I’m beginning to think about what’s next in terms of career and life direction and moneymaking endeavors. Those thoughts are exciting and I have so many ideas, but they can be very overwhelming too, on days when the “what’s next” feels far away and out of reach. As I’m learning, it takes quite a while to rebuild a body so completely exhausted and depleted by nineteen months of unchecked infection and then a further ten months of strong antibiotic treatment. I am feeling SOOO much better. But the rebuilding part does take time. Actually I have to keep reminding myself of this — the big picture of what my body has been handling — because my mind gets easily carried away with activities and cool ideas and thoughts of the future and what I need to be doing to get myself there. But then my body yanks on the choke chain, reminding me that getting back to my old self is not instantaneous and everything will happen in good time (as in “not all at once at this very moment“).

So I’ve been keeping a slower, simpler, more realistic pace when possible. You know how if you work really really hard at your job, and it’s really intense work, and there’s lots of stress, and you don’t have any downtime…how you burn out quickly? Well that’s what happens in life too, I’ve realized. Especially with the pace at which our world moves now. Even though I’m just in my 20s, I feel like I’ve lived several lifetimes already. So much stuff has been packed in. Some of it really fun, some of it really not fun. And when you pack that much in, you get worn out and you start burning out. And if you’re very sensitive (any fellow HSPs out there?) you can get overwhelmed and burnt out even more easily due to the sheer intensity of it all. Being very ill is an intense experience. It taxes you physically, mentally, and emotionally. And so what I’m learning again and again is that I can’t get ahead of myself. Even if I have a million cool ideas I want to follow through with, I have to dial it back and pace myself otherwise I will burn out totally. First things first. My first priority must remain my health. (Health really IS wealth. If you don’t have your health, you have no energy to earn monetary wealth!) When I’m frustrated and tired of that being my #1 priority, I remind myself that it’s an investment in my future. I must get fully well NOW, so that I may be who I want to be and do the things I want to do in the future. If I don’t address the physical things that need attending to right now, and let my body fully heal, then things could be a little dicey down the road. Best to address it now.

So I’ve been staying quiet, moving (when I remember to) at a slow and deliberate pace. Doing one thing at a time (like drinking tea and doing nothing else during that time), and taking the time to do things that make my spirit happy. My appetite for anything techie has been minimal, so my computer has been off a lot. It’s been nice. I’ve enjoyed keeping more of a “1972 pace” rather than a “2013 pace” if that makes any sense.

And now, onto some pictures…

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